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Scream Phoenix

From The Ashes

Nick

My Depression Pt. 3

May 10, 2021 by Nick Leave a Comment

[ Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 ]

There isn’t a happily ever after for my mental health. We measure recovery in what ways we can. Shortening the length of severe episodes, or the depth. Having more good days than we used to. Still being alive.

Self Care

It is popular to think of self care as a candlelit bubble bath and a good book, which is cool. If that helps you cope, go for it. Self care in my world is often disguised as things I do not want to do, but are necessary for my ability to function.

  • Learning what actually works for me.
  • Setting appropriate boundaries to support my mental health.
  • Setting aside the time necessary for self care tasks.
  • Prioritizing activities that make me healthier, in whatever way I have to.
  • Recognizing and accepting my limits.
  • Grieving the losses of my past and future.
  • Resting when I need rest, whether other people understand that or not.
  • Admitting what hurts, and a million other things that aren’t pretty or popular.
[Read more…] about My Depression Pt. 3

Filed Under: Uncategorized

My Depression Pt. 2

February 9, 2020 by Nick Leave a Comment

[ Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 ]

Unraveling

The messages in my head pull themselves into reality. Thoughts of shame and failure grind away my energy and resources until my life loses stability. It becomes harder and harder to function. Days run into one another, becoming weeks and months of misery.

Every moment is exhausting. All of my spare time is spent sleeping, to ensure I can get through each day. I want to sleep until I feel better, but am never rested. I spend my limited energy carefully.

Watching my wife work harder in my absence is painful. I feel guilty. My brain reminds me that she and my kids would be better off with a healthy man.

[Read more…] about My Depression Pt. 2

Filed Under: Uncategorized

My Depression Pt. 1

January 14, 2020 by Nick Leave a Comment

These writings and illustrations represent a personal account of my experiences with major depressive disorder. In the series I will explain my symptoms and how they impact my life, and finally my coping strategies.

[ Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 ]

Hijacking Reality

I have episodes of depression that can last days, weeks, or months. On a good day, this is like waking up from a bad dream and reassuring myself that it was not real.

On a bad day, it feels like the curtain has been pulled back and I am alone in a barren void. The universe looms over me, unblinking in its infinite apathy. My world will always return to this truth. Good days are fever dreams, meaningless and temporary.

Everything I believe in or work for is a lie. I am ashamed of my vanity. This feeling underpins every thought in my head. It constantly reminds me that my time is short, and everything I do is pointless. I harm what I love.

[Read more…] about My Depression Pt. 1

Filed Under: Personal Stories

Hoisting the Black Flag

November 4, 2019 by Nick Leave a Comment

This is the part where I am supposed to tell you how my products will make your life easier, but I can’t. I intend to ask a great deal of you, myself, and anyone working on this project with us.

I can’t promise to solve any of your problems. In fact, if I hit my mark, I hope to leave you feeling disenchanted with the world we live in. I expect to create problems.

I think that art and conversation right now must lead to the inevitable conclusion that something is terribly fucking wrong. I think the antidote is to stand fully in the truth, share the real stories that connect us, and stop pretending that it is a kindness to accept anything less.

The path to stronger people and communities is through friction. Taking the harder path, valuing experiences, and valuing ourselves enough to accept no less. Iron sharpens iron.

That is what Scream Phoenix is for. I want to share art and stories from the most raw, honest, broken, and powerful pieces of my soul. I want to share conversations with the people who stoke my passion and help me reach for more. I want to take all of this and use it to improve the world.

From the ashes of each iteration will rise something stronger and harder, better suited to change the world. We submit to this process, and reach out to grasp every ounce of our potential. We scream Phoenix!

– Nick

Filed Under: Uncategorized

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